Test Yourself

(and don’t forget to test your female matches, too!)


In dating, and especially in international dating, it is difficult to overemphasize the importance of the relationship’s initial stage – the email exchange, phone calls, and finally the initial meetings.

During such initial stage, each side will be trying to access and probe the other person, decide whether it would be worthwhile to continue exploring the possibility of a long-term relationship, and if yes — how this particular relationship might be developing in the future.

In my view, the dating psychology and initial expectations of a typical Russian or Ukrainian woman could be slightly different from that of a typical western woman. There are certain character traits in men that Russian ladies do not appreciate at all. These negative character traits will undoubtedly be recognized by FSU women, representing red flags in their assessment of a given relationship. One or two such red flags – and she might reach the conclusion that you will not be a good match for her. Why? Because each such issue represents her rather valid concern that her male match might not be fully committed to a relationship with her, or that he is not taking her seriously enough.

With this in mind, I have developed a short self-test for men, which will give them a fairly good idea how their dating and courtship behavior will be judged by a typical FSU woman. Here it is:

  1. Do you have a tendency to promise to do something, but then not to follow up on your promise?(example: you promised to phone her at a particular day and time, but you did not; this happening not just once, but several times).
  2. Do you have a tendency to abruptly or hurriedly end phone conversations?(example: while on the phone, you unexpectedly to her would quickly end the conversation by saying something like “I have to go now, bye.”)
  3. Could you be raising your voice and/or showing your temper while verbally communicating?
  4. Do you have a tendency not to call a woman by her name, while communicating with her?
  5. Do you have a tendency to openly admire other women, while in the company of your female match?
  6. Do you have a tendency to not answer questions directly and openly, including some in-depth questions that your female match might (and most likely will) ask you?
  7. Could you be impolite or disrespectful toward your female match’ family members (such as her parents and siblings)?

As you might already have guessed, each “yes” from the list above would represent a red flag in the mind of your future Russian, Ukrainian, or any other FSU female match.

Most of these items are self-explanatory, and are just common sense. A man who demonstrates any of the above traits would be viewed as a shallow, potentially disrespectful person who in addition might not be fully appreciating his female match. As the saying goes, “what you put up with, you end up with” — and most women are well aware of that rule, no matter what the country of their origin is.

Here is a remark to item 4, which is not mentioning her first name while talking to her. In her eyes, in addition to being superficial, this also might be a sign that her male match is dating several other ladies at the same time, and he might be afraid of confusing their names.

Hopefully now you have a bit better understanding of how you might be judged by the other side during that all-important initial stage of your relationship (both long-distance and face-to-face) with a Russian or Ukrainian woman.

Now let me go a bit further and suggest some homework for you if I may. What is your most important criteria (or a set of checkpoints) by which you will be judging your future female matches? If you still do not have these criteria clearly formulated, you might want to consider doing that soon. If you have already figured out your own set of checkpoints – you are one step ahead. Write them down, and use your own set of checkpoints consistently in order to properly evaluate each of your future female matches. This approach will help you greatly to separate “the one” from “the rest”.

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