Age Gap

Age difference is actually quite an important issue, and definitely needs to be covered.

It is not a secret that one of the top reasons most western men are giving a serious consideration to Russian, Ukrainian and other FSU women is because they want a younger woman. But how far exactly can one go with the age difference, without making the marriage potentially unstable a few years down the road?

I have two news for you with regard to this particular issue: the first one is a good news, and the other one is not so good. The good news is that most women in Russia, Ukraine, and other FSU countries are open to a larger age difference when compared to what is common in the western countries. Unlike in the West, where a fairly large proportion of all couples are now represented by an older woman and a younger guy, most FSU women are looking to marry a guy who is older than their own age, and are totally fine with an age gap that is within reasons. Please note that the stress in the previous sentence is on the last two words. Contrary to what you might have heard, most FSU women do not seek a very large age gap.

The not-so-good news is non FSU-specific, but rather universal: in short, in all human romantic relationships, the bigger the age gap between the spouses, the less stable such a marriage potentially could be. In other words, the bigger the age gap, the riskier the marriage in the long run.

Why? Here is a simple example: imagine a 50-year old guy who wants to marry a 25 year-old FSU woman. In the FSU, he probably would find a 25 year-old lady who would agree to marry him. However, in this particular example, what exactly would be that woman’s primary motivation?

What we want in a sound relationship are love, mutual attraction, compatibility, chemistry, and common interests and activities, among other things. Let me suggest that the above marriage in all probability would be seriously lacking most of such items. Instead, we could reasonably assume that the lady has settled for a much older guy because of the following two reasons: either improving her standard of living by moving to a more affluent country; or because of his wealth (in case he is wealthy), so that she can have quite an easy life from now on. As you probably would agree, neither of the two represent a solid foundation for a long-term relationship, especially the first one.

That being said, let’s define what are the age difference boundaries that make sense in that special place called FSU marriage market.

Guideline Number One: Everything in moderation, and that includes the age difference!

Age difference of up to ten years in a great majority of cases is the FSU norm, and as such would be quite reasonable (and safe) to plan for. This age ratio would provide for the most satisfying and stable union, especially where the age difference is no greater than 7 years.

If she is younger than you by 11 to 15 years, you are pushing it a bit. Still doable though. Make sure you are in a good physical form, and you do not look much older when compared to how she looks.

When the age gap is between 16 and 20 years, most likely you are in the danger zone. Think twice before considering this option. Chances are that her primary motivation might not be her attraction to you, but rather a perceived easy life abroad. Make sure you are in an excellent physical shape, are in possession of a healthy bank account, and are able and willing to provide for at least a few luxuries in her life, as she would subconsciously want to be compensated for the compromise she has made.

One important exception here would be for guys 60 and older: 20-year gap in your case would be much more reasonable and sustainable, as FSU women aged 40-plus are considered in the FSU to be past their prime age. Please also see the table below for more exact guidelines.

Guideline Number Two: Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven.

This actually is quite a well-known age difference rule: this calculation, when applied to a man’s age, shows the minimum age in a woman that would provide for optimal psychological and physical compatibility.

When I applied this formula to a range of man’s ages, I generated corresponding woman’s ages that in most cases agree with numbers as outlined in the section above. Where it did not, I made corrections, that can be seen in the table’s third column. Here is that table:

His Age: Her minimum age according to the Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven formula: Her minimum age according to the Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven formula, and corrected to best fit the FSU marriage market:
26 20 same
30 22 same
36 25 same
40 27 28
46 30 32
50 32 35
56 35 37
60 37 39
66 40 42
70 42 45
76 45 48

 

The numbers from the above table, although making sense, take into account only one out of a few possible variables, namely the age. Other variables do exist, most notably woman’s physical appearance (or looks), and whether or not she does have a child or children. These other variables might affect the minimum age guidelines shown in the table.

In conclusion, my personal advice with regard to age differences is as follows. It would be a mistake to let the woman’s age to be the decisive factor when choosing a future life partner. Instead, focus on her looks, physical shape, personality, as well as compatibility and chemistry between the two of you. Only then consider her age, which in reality should only be a distant secondary concern (given that she is no older than you are, of course).

Most importantly, keep in mind the following simple rule which universally applies to all couples no matter what their nationality or origin is: the wider the age gap, the riskier and potentially less stable a given relationship could be in the long term.

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